I Don't See Why I Should Apologize

 Dear Missie 

First of all, Asante sana for this opportunity. I can say its like you have been reading my mind and see what I am going through now at work. My name is Stephania (not her real name) and I have been working for a xxx company for three years now. I joined the company through their graduate program and I was so excited when I got selected to continue as an executive.

I feel like my initiation into the corporate life started last year. And it has not been pretty. Sijui nianze wapi. 

It all started last year before Christmas, when we met as a team to finalize some reports. During the meeting our boss mentioned how he found our team not very motivating because the ladies are not well "endowed" as African women. His actual words were “watoto wa humu ndani hata hawaleti motisha…hamna wezere za kiafrika kabisaaaa”  Did I mention that I was the only girl in the team?

Maybe let me take you back to when I started working here. From the graduate program, about 4 of us were selected to continue in the company as employees. 3 guys and I, the only girl. I was assigned to the product development team which is lead by a very interesting boss and a team of 3 other men. Our boss is a short guy with a round face, upara kwa mbali as his hairline is quite undefined, plump with a protruding belly and he has a pride and temper that goes with the stereotype of short men. Sometime i think he tries too hard to be seen as "the boss" and also as "a man". 

To be fair, he is very good at his job and as a new recruit I have learnt a lot through him. It is his pride and temper that has made me write this today kwasababu kwakweli i need your help. 

Sasa back to Christams last year. We were in an official team meeting to close the year and here is our boss making fun of my butts. Yes I am slim and I have that typical Meru body lakini this is not its place for such a discussion.  Mind you, this was not the first time he made reference to my body in a group setting. In every meeting, this boss would make jokes and most of them are always sexual jokes. The other men will laugh so hard and even add their jokes in there too. Of course since I was very new, I used to laugh along because I didn’t want to appear to be judging and a party pooper. But this day, I was just fed up...and so...I lashed out kisawasawa!

He wasn’t expecting it and for a minute the whole room went quite. Then he looked around the room, looked at me as if to assess which part of my body he should start insulting first. He rapped for like 5 minutes, insisting that I was out of line and he can end my career right there. Imagine! Mimi ndio niko out of line for telling him the truth! I was so angry my body was shaking so I decided to leave the meeting. 

Since that day, he has been ignoring me and all my contributions in the team meetings. I remember there was this trip to market the company outside the country and he took the whole team except me. One of the guys in the team came to me in private and he asked me to go and apologize to our boss. He insists that since I am just starting my career, my boss can actually black list me to his friends who are in other companies. This scares me even more now. 

I don't see why I should apologize to him because he is the one in the wrong. I also wanted to go and report it to the HR but my sister thinks I will make it worse. I don't know what to do and frankly I am even scared to start looking for other job opportunities. Please Missie and the readers, help me. How do I handle this? Thank you, Anonymous

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I leave this for you all M.P's, how should she go about this? Should she report him? Can a boss really black list you to other companies? Help Stephanie by leaving a COMMENT below

xoxo
Missie Popular

6 comments:

  1. Pole sana kwake. Hapo hata kwa HR hataweza kufanikiwa maana hao 3 guys will not agree to be witnesses kama hata kwa kikao hawamtetei when she is clearly sexually abused! If I was her, ningeanza tu kutafuta kazi mahala pengine. Blacklisting tumetishiwa wengi jamani yooo!

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    1. I totally agree with you dear. This is a tricky situation for her. No evidence, no witness and probably nobody will believe her word against her boss.

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  2. Missie this one is almost like my own story. Never in my life did i imagine one day I'll pray for someone to die because maybe that is the only way to get out of this mess. My boss is my fellow woman but what she has put me through is unimaginable. I'll have to sit down and write to you the full story.

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    1. Ooooh dear,pole sana. I will be waiting to receive your story please, don't leave us hanging like that :)

      M.P

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  3. Huyu aache kiburi tu akaombe msamaha. Miaka mitatu tu ya kazi kashajiona anaweza kumfukuzisha kazi boss wake?Hjakitana na maboss vichaa huyu

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    1. Labda nikuulize swali moja tu, unadhani akiomba msamaha, boss wake ataacha tabia anayoilalamikia hapa?

      M.P

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